CelticWomanForum.com

I'm too emtional to explain everything that's going on right now, but I'm desperate need of some prayers and well wishes. I don't ask for these a lot, but my heart is hurting.

We are your friends -- let us know if we can help you. :)

All my best wishes for you Chandler. If I can do anything else to help, please let me know. Hugs. <3

 You got it Chandler.    Sending positive thoughts your way.   xx

Thanks so much, everyone, for the prayers and positive messages. It honestly means so much to me. <3 I am more stable now to talk about my situation, but I'm still heartbroken.

Yesterday, my boyfriend of 9 months and I went on a date. We rarely go out on dates, so I've been excited about this. I spent the whole week planning my outfit, wore my new dress, and spent about an hour or 2 doing my hair and makeup to look pretty for him. I can't remember the last time I got a compliment from my boyfriend, so I was really hoping he'd say something nice this time. Unsurprisingly, he didn't, which wouldn't of been a big deal if he didn't body-shame me, telling me that I was too petite and that he wants a curvy girl and pointing out parts of my body he wished were "bigger." This came as a shock to me because I've been the same size ever since we started dating. I've always been naturally skinny, and I've been very insecure about it lately because he often makes jokes about my body.

After our date, I went to his house. I tried to talk to him about the way he made me feel. I told him my feelings were hurt because I tried my best to look pretty for him just to receive insults. He wouldn't look at me or talk to me (he stonewalls when gets mad). After about 10 minutes of being ignored, I approached him and touched both of his shoulders to get his attention, so he lightly shoved me away, then threatened to kick me out of his house (it was about 1am at the time, and he was my only ride home.) I became scared because he started to shake and raise his voice. He told me that he didn't care. About an hour of me talking to him, he calmed down, and we became better.

That morning, he wanted to try having "relations" with me. I told him that I didn't want to because of the way he acted last night. He got mad again, so I called my dad to pick me up from his house. It's sad because this wasn't how this weekend was suppose to go. I had baked his favorite cookies in honor of our 9 month anniversary, and he told me to just throw them away. I've hardly talked to him since I left his house because he refuses to answer my calls or texts. We have not officially broken up, but I can feel it coming, and it's going to be devastating for me.

This is my first serious relationship, and he is my first love. I've dated him for 9 months, and I've known him for about 10 months. I know that doesn't sound like a long time, but it feels much longer to me because this is someone I talk to everyday and spend every weekend with, and the thought of breaking up scares me. When he's not in a mood, he's the greatest guy, but when he's mad, he's a totally different person. Our relationship used to be a dream, but it's been going downhill these past couple months. I just want it to go back to the way it used to be. I care about him a lot, and I hate fighting, so I often take the blame and apologize in order to move on (even when I feel that I'm right). Sometimes, I do it so much that I actually start to feel that everything is my fault. I've cried about our relationship way too many times over the months, but I don't want to give up yet. He goes to the army in a little over a month, so our time to strengthen our relationship is ticking, and I'm fearful that we won't be on good terms by the time he leaves. And when he does, I won't be able to see him for 12 weeks (possibly longer). I know our relationship will definitely deteriorate if he leaves while were like this.

I'm sorry for the long story and if it's too personal, but I consider you all as a family because I've been here for over 5 years, so I basically grew up on this forum. I just hope something will get better soon because this is by far the toughest thing I've ever had to go through.

You`ve probably heard the old saying " there are other fish in the sea"......it seems that you could find someone out there that would be a better "fit" for you.Think about it......is the tension and being upset really worth it?

 He sounds like a total jerk-wad Chandler.  There are so many  red flags here it's not even funny.  You are a lovely,sweet  young lady who deserves better.  He's trying to get you to do the dirty work for him, because he doesn't have the guts to set you free himself. So do it for him.  I'm sorry you had to be experiencing this, but take it as a life lesson.   :(    But remember all of us who support you.  You are in my thoughts.   :)   

I agree with Kevin and James.  Time to dump this jerk.  You will be better off without him.  Don't let anyone abuse you like that.
Also, I would not be alone with him.  He may be dangerous.

Sending prayers.

A few things to add - remember him getting mad and problems in the relationship is NOT your fault.

From what you described he could be dangerous. Please do not be alone with him.

While we here on the forum are for you by way of prayers and support, you should also talk to someone in person. Have you talked or can you talk to your parents about what is going on? or if you are religious, a religious leader you trust or a school counselor (if you are in school)?

Also never be insecure about your body and do not let anyone else make you feel that way.

First of all, I want to thank everone for the thoughts and prayers, everyone. Your messages helped me get through this difficult situation, and I really do appreciate them more than you all will ever know.

After reading all your messages, having long discussions with my parents and friends, I decided to end things with him yesterday. It was one of the toughest decisions I've ever had to make, but I knew that I had to and it was for the best. Of course, my heart is still hurting, but I am doing better than I have in these past few days, and I will continue to pray to God for strength.

I have been on this forum for 5 years now, and these past few days has showed me that it's more than just a group of people who love Celtic Woman, but we are all a family. <3

You did the right thing....there`s a "Mo Ghile Mear" out there , waiting just for you, you`ll see.

You are right  about that Chandler.  We have seen you go through a lot in those years-even drama created by former members here that were giving you problems. It hurts now, but in the long run you will be stronger for it. :) 

Thanks, Kevin, that made me giggle. :D

Ooh, yes, I remember that. :D Thanks, James. :)

For someone to expects you to do what he wants the next day after it gotten better to not accept get mad for you refusing for the moment time being just seems it's all about him a lot & not caring or invested in how you feel. Us here at the forum at least care about your opinions, your ideas, your viewpoints that's support passion not all about you & only your way...

I agree, he did believe it was al about him and didn't care about my feelings at all.

  Sounds like you were dating Donald Trump  ::) ::) ::) ::) ::)

sometimes its hard to move forward. 
but each day brings new opportunities..

Now that just made me crack up! :D

:) <3

I can't tell your heart what it wants or claim to fully understand what war must be raging inside you at the moment. My advice regarding relationships would be beyond useless. So I'll just offer this huge virtual hug instead. <3

Thanks, Tom. I'll take that! :) Hugs <3

Well, it's been an emotional week for me. I'm writing an update and this will be the last one, but I need somewhere to vent right now.

On Wednesday, I went to my ex's house (not alone) to return some items. The breakup went surprisingly well. There was no yelling or insults, and he even wanted to remain friends. I said that was fine, thinking it was just something that all exes say but never actually mean or follow through with. I kept him on social media because I didn't think anything of it, but I never made any plans to contact him until he messaged me first Wednesday night. He continued sending me messages throughout Thursday, but I seldom replied.

On Friday, he found out I had been chatting with a boy (just a friend), so my ex sent me a passive-agressive messages, basically saying he could care less about me and cursed at me. This was my breaking point. I unleashed everything that I've been bottling up inside. I told him he wasn't a good person because he lied to me all this time. He fooled me with charm in beginning then showed his true colors towards the end. It was all an act. I told him I had been nothing but a good girlfriend and put up with more than I should have. The last thing I ever said to him was that I don't think I truly loved him, but I loved the guy who he pretended to be. I do regret choosing this as my last words because he'll always be special to me, whether I like it or not. Also, it's very unlike me to say something so harsh, although I do believe it's true.

I understand this was NOT a good way to handle things. He still believes he has control over me (even after the breakup), and he still manages to find a way to hurt me when I thought I couldn't be hurt anymore. I just exploded. He has now blocked me on all social media (something that I should have done to begin with). I no longer have any form of contact with him, which is for the best. I guess he couldn't handle hearing the truth. I know now that I should have just cut off contact after the breakup, but I was fooled by charm yet again.

I am still hurt, but I'm getting better each day. It makes me sick to think about those 9 months of my life I spent with him, all the things I went out of my way to do for him, and all the stuff I put up with. I hope he realizes his mistakes one day. As of right now, I'm trying to keep myself busy to take my mind off of things. I do think it's a bit of a slap in the face that he blocked me when it should be the other way around. However, I feel as if I can truly move on now, knowing that I will never have to experience the anxiety of seeing another one of his messages pop up on my phone ever again.

Anyways, this will be the last rant that I will ever make about him. I just had to blow off some steam. I'm going to focus all my attention on healing now. This week has probably been one of the worst weeks of my life so far, but it's also been the most eye-opening because experiencing my first broken heart made me realize how many amazing and supportive family and friends I have who love me. I am so blessed. And thank you to everyone on this forum, who has sent me kind messages. Love you all <3

You have a right to be angry but now the thing to do is put this BEHIND you.....it`s time for a "New Beginning"...hmmmm....where have I heard  that phrase before?

Yes, I agree. I woke up today feeling good and more positive, and I'm now looking forward to this new beginning. Hmm, I've heard that somewhere before. :D

Now Chandler is about to embark on a NEW JOURNEY in search of Mo Ghile Mear......which she`ll find.....seems fitting for this forum.

That does seem very fitting! :D;D

 As I said before Chandler, regard this as a learning experience. And it does sound like you have-especially about yourself and what you need and also about boundaries.  It's been difficult for you, I know, but I think you have experienced some personal growth here. You have been through a lot here on the forum  over the years.  Here is a Meav song that came to mind about the poor selkie  who is trapped in a loveless relationship. You know this song well....   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1R1oBPJmDbI     btw... I am proud of you Chandler.  :)   

It has indeed been difficult, but I'm feeling more myself and better each day and have gained more confidence since the toxic relationship ended. My friends say they have even noticed a positive change in me. Thanks for the song recommendation - I just love this beautiful song sung by our dear Méav, and I'm listening to it right now as I type! ;D

And thank you so much, James, that really does mean a lot to hear from you. :)