Struggle

[littlecubspirit]

I know this board has limitations, and I will do my best to keep that in mind, but I felt I had to post this, to reach out. And this is one of the only places I feel safe enough to do so. A lot of you know by now that I have cerebral palsy. I am also visually and hearing impaired. But on top of all the physical stuff, there is the emotional, which is what seems to be getting to me at the moment. I have previously been diagnosed with and treated for clinical depression and generalized anxiety disorder.

I have been really struggling since graduating community college in May, with financial issues caused by medical bills I can't even make the payments on. As a result when I  was kicked out of my home, I had neither the money nor the credit to get my own place and could not afford to go to college. The place I am living now is alright but far from ideal. I did this because it was either here, a shelter, or the street.

My parents are not the kindest people in the world, and so I cannot go back into that abusive and untenable environment. I have been in more pain physically in the last three months than in my entire life so far.

I often cover up my pain by helping others. Admitting that I need help is very difficult for me. I am barely holding on.

As you can imagine, my stress level is through the roof. I am struggling with my anxiety, struggling not to self harm, struggling to eat. I am looking into ways to get help, and I can promise all of you I will. But I really need some support, if you can spare it. Moral support would really help.

I love you all so much. Please know that. That's why I smile, so you won't see the tears.

Your loving,

Misha

[Kevin R.I.]

We can offer you moral support since we`re all from afar here but in the short amount of time you`ve been in our forum family, I know we`ve all come to love and respect you. For someone that has had so much adversity in their life, you`ve already accomplished a lot. Now you have an opportunity to attend a new school and be in different...and presumably,  much better environment. Just look to the future, it`ll get better.

[littlecubspirit]

  thanks. Kevin, you have no idea what that means to me. Love you.

[urbanracer34]

You've accomplished a lot in your life so far Misha. I respect and care about you too, and we as a forum family, can only offer as much support as we can from here. I also feel like this place is a safe haven, even more so than the last two forums I've called my online "home"; one's offline forever for reasons unknown to me, and the other one's a near-complete ghost town.

As I said when you signed up and made your first few posts on CWF, this place is a safe haven for those with disabilities of all types, physical and mental. I'm glad to see you have found this true as well.

I also have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and that's the reason I can't get a job; my system just can't handle it at the moment due to my anxiety.

Just remember, we do not know what is in store in the future. I hope yours will be all good.

Jerad

[Raving Meaviac]

  Yes Misha.... I have come to know you as a sweet , caring person.   You have my moral support too- of course.  Kevin is right.... just think of how far  you've come so far.  Just take things in bite size chunks. Focusing on your goals will also help you feel more human and will distract you from harmful thoughts.    I think some of us feel a  little helpless to do more from wherever we are, but thankfully, technology makes this world a little smaller.   Remember you can always reach out to the forum at large or to individual forum members.   We're with you!    

[Kevin R.I.]

Misha is very cool......Misha is fun to chat with ...Misha is intelligent ....Misha is sweet...Misha is turning red 

[littlecubspirit]

*gulp* you guys...its not like I'm part of CW or something. If I ever meet any of you, holy cow do I have a lot to live up to. 

[urbanracer34]

*gulp* you guys...its not like I'm part of CW or something. If I ever meet any of you, holy cow do I have a lot to live up to. 

That's not what I was trying to make it sound like. What I was trying to say is that you've achieved a lot despite all of the hardships you've had. Sometimes it's hard to put what I'm thinking straight down on paper, or in a ton of cases, on the computer.
I think most if not all of us, if we ever do meet, would want you to just be yourself.

[Kevin R.I.]

Jerad is right.....we just want you to be you....because " you" is very cool.